Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
