It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
