Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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