Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
