i think my mom watched the whole time
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
