I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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