i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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