Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
