After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
