You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
