A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
