I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
