nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my penis made a compromise with my morals
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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