I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
