My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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