guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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