How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
