census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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