wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
