i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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