The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
