I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
