doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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