apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
