Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
