your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
