shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
