listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
