so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
