im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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