I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
