i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize