My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
