It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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