I feel like abortions should bother me more
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
