Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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