Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
