So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
