That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize