I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
