just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
