I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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