but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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