let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
