idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
