Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
