I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
