Fine. I'll sleep in my office
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
