It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
