Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
