My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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