Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
