No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
