omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
