glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
