I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize