I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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