The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
