Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
