the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
