I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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