Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize