Sponge bath it is.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
