I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize