i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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