My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
